Single Adults And The Church..Are They Compatible?

The church over all, faced with issues such as divorce, abortion, sperm banks, single women becoming pregnant through the use of in vitro fertilization, homosexuality, and cohabitation, is being forced out of it's comfort zone on the message of "the traditional family unit". The church sputters with delivering a balanced message of marriage and singleness while both status are given equal significance in the scriptures.

In 1957, 96 of single adults who remained, the single men were considered by society to be too immature to marry, and the single women were considered by society to be undesirable marriage prospects. The message of the church on marriage and birth was unchallenged in a society that reflected the same message. Now in 2007, the concept of adult relationships in our society has changed and varies radically, while the basic message of "marriage" and "birth" in the church has remained constant with it's 1957 concept. The window dressings of the church message has changed somewhat, but remains constant to it's 1957 teachings. Since 1957, overall church attendance has decreased in North America by 35 of the overall population.

While many churches are awakening to realize the need for some form of single-adult ministry, today, only 13 churches, for many it is nothing more than a once a year special event. Only 2.6 of single adults attended Christian church services or church programmed activity. Single men are less likely (15). While at the same time, 54 of all single adults have reached the place where they believe the church community no longer has anything to offer them.

With such raging changes to church demographics, when one looks at the traditional family unit (non-divorced husband and wife with children) in the church community, this group has dwindled to a mere 27 of church families are now blended families. 14.5 are headed up by those in common- law relationships.

We live in a day and age where the church as an institution needs to be a beacon that draws people in from the cold. What we have is an institution that's driving people away, by an inflexibility in the thinking of it's leaders and parishioners. Not all churches fit this mold, as some are making serious headway in being a church community that's all inclusive.

There are some steps a church can take in becoming more single adult friendly. From the pulpit and lecture stands, learn to reference your attendees with a language that includes both marrieds and singles equally. Start to speak to your congregation in a manner that places equal significance on being married and being single. In time, the mind set of the congregation will echo this thought pattern.

In planning single adult functions, it's important for the church to remember that scripture teaches the church not to take sides or show preferential treatment. In the case of single adults, in event planning, do not differentiate between single mom's and single fathers. Differentiating creates the appearance of a church showing preference, when many divorcees have come through hurtful divorces where all their old friends from "married days" also ended up also taking sides. (Divorcee's loose 93% of their former friends during the period of a marriage separation and legal divorce proceedings.) Churches that run activities such as, banquets, or clothes closets, or oil change days for single mom's, indirectly send a message to single fathers, the church is not there for them, nor is it willing to recognize or support single fathers as being single parents. The end result, single fathers walk away from the church feeling unsupported and unwanted. In fact, many single fathers have reported this to be a form of a "condemnation" message on the part of the church. The number one reason why male divorcees leave the church is due to experiencing forms of condemnation from within the church leadership or community.

Some churches believe single men should have male friends before they start dating again. Divorcees are, as a result of many of their marital break-up conflicts, hyper-sensitive to acts of manipulation, and as such, find being manipulated in their social life, by the church, as being treated like a child and offensive. Create a friendly environment that enables people to meet each other naturally.

James C. Tanner of www.silent-wonder.com is a retired entrepreneur, a former special investigator, and a published writer who is currently read by 12.5 million readers.

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Check out these links:

Dating Sites reviewed by TryInternetDating.com

Event Based Social Networking by EventMingle.com

Country Personals by MyCountryMatch.com

List of online dating sites by eOnlineDatingSites.com